Don't mess with our crazy neighborhood...

For the last three or so months the cars in our neighborhood have been getting broken into.

The robber’s only mess with the unlocked cars but when they are robbing cars once a week you’re bound to make the mistake of accidently leaving your car unlocked.

Guilty.

 Those bastards stole my GPS, car registration, car manual and insurance card. (This happened about two months back).

I felt ill. It’s a weird feeling when a stranger has touched all your personal stuff.  

But then when I actually witnessed these scum breaking into cars I felt like I wanted to punch someone in their drug addicted face.

Clearly, these boys are looking for money or looking to sell our stuff. They need their drugs, man.  

And these boys, or boy in Sunday night’s case, aren’t very bright because they kept coming back, and coming back.

I kinda understand why, easy escape through the woods that surround our homes.

But what this little bastard Sunday didn’t realize was that he had a handful of 20-something “Essex*” men waiting for his arrival.

Oh man when Matty’s mad ya’ll, you better watch yourselves. There ain’t no stopping this man.

Let me just give you a play-by-play of my phone conversation with the dispatcher when I called 911 Sunday night.

Me, “Yes I’m watching this creepy little bastard right now get into our neighbor Casey’s car. Okay, now he’s in Mrs. Diane car. What a sketchy ass mother f-er. Eww. Okay, now he’s about to hit up my car. Oh man, I hope I locked it.”

Dispatcher, “Girl, me too.”

Me, “Okay, thank god. It’s locked. Okay now he’s going to my husband’s car. And OH SHIT! NO!! F!!  My husband’s outside, with a baseball bat. Oh shit. Now my husband and the dog are chasing this kid down the street. Oh crap. Here’s another guy in the neighborhood with a baseball bat. Okay, their gonna kick this motha f-ers ass. You better get the cops out here fast.”

Seriously.

(If you don’t know already, I curse a lot. When I’m pissed, it’s lethal. I don’t know when I thought it was appropriate to talk to the poor dispatcher with this kind of language. Dang.)

Matt and my brother in-law chased this kid into the woods with, our dog, Chase. I guess Chase felt Matt’s energy and wanted to protect Matt. My brother in-law said that the woods were pitch black and the only reason he was able to jump on top and tackle this guy was because of Chase’s white fur.

Modern day Lassie right here.

This kid had to be scared. My brother-in-law is about 6’5. And he had three grown men chasing him with bats.

I would have pooed.

My brother-in-law said the kid goes, “You all are crazy. You smell like you’ve been drinking”

My brother-in-law responded with, “Were all crazy mother f-ers around here.”

I think they are.

Don’t mess with Essex, we turn a little gangster when need be.

I also think we totally lived up to our white trash reputation that night. It was priceless. I wonder what the cops were thinking. They did send out six cop cars. Guess my baseball bat comment didn’t help.

I mean this dog is serious about his love for his papa. No wonder he helped out with catching the bad guy!

(And this is an old pic, I do not have my Christmas tree up yet. I promise. lol)



Emily's Bridal Shower

Saturday I hosted Emily’s bridal shower at my house.

I felt lucky because all the girls offered to bring a snack (and I totally took them up on their offers.) We had so much food and it was all so tasty. Thank you pinterest for making things interesting.

The shower was very sweet and relaxed. We didn’t play any games; instead I had created a “date night” box where each guest wrote an idea for a date. It was really cute and I had fun listening to Emily read the “date night” ideas after everyone had left.

For favors I went to Bath and Body Works and got each guest a travel size lotion and hand sanitizer.  The lotions were the “new” scent for the season, and the sanitizers were the scent “love.” With my coupons I only spent $30 on the favors for 20 guests. I thought that was a steal! And to add some cuteness to them I just tied them together with a purple ribbon. Seriously, all the girls went bananas over these. Guess you can never have too many lotions for your purse.

The weather Saturday was perfect so some guest even sat outside to eat. It really ended up being a beautiful shower.

Okay, don't you die over this "Bride-to-Be" Banner. Thank you Mama Claire for helping me!

Pat on my back for an awesome job! ;-)

A little Relazation..

Us Bogdan's have been enjoying some nice relaxation time. 

I feel like my mom would say it's "totally zen" here. 

Not that we went anywhere special. I don't know if I'd considered Ocean City, Maryland "special" but it's definitely nice and a total tradition for any Baltimore folk. 

I mean, let's be honest, anything is nicer than sitting at a desk all day.

Even today when it rained all day and Matt and I got all slap-happy-goofy-bored.  You know how when that happens you laugh so hard you cry?

Maybe not as hard as when Matt and I saw the biggest hairiest butt crack known to man. Seriously, hairy butt cracks less than a foot from Matt's face make me laugh so hard my nostrils shake and flare. I had to walk away or I would have really peed my pants. 

Anyway, life has been good this week. 

(Assateague Island) 

Tomorrow is our last day on vaca. Hopefully, the sun will come back out and we can be lazy and lay on the beach all day reading.

Dado

Today is my dad’s 62^nd birthday.

I wanted to write a post about all things great about having “Dado” as my father.

(Dado, is what I call my dad).

My dad isn’t your average 62-year-old fart. No, he is insanely healthy and active and puts most 50-year-old-pot-belly guys to shame.

Seriously, Dado will walk 10 miles if you let him. Don’t worry, Claire Bear (my mom), hardly lets that happen these days since they’ve gotten the new home. (I’ll have to post about this new house. I’m in love).  

Anyway, I always knew I was one of the “special” little girls because I was probably the only girl on the block who didn’t have a “scary” dad.

Seriously, I hated spending the night over people’s houses because everybody’s dad seemed so serious and had a deep voice.

Dado hardly yelled at me. He would play games like “bears” meaning dado “pretended” to be asleep on the couch while my sister and I ran back and forth trying not to get tickled by the “bear.”

Dado would even go night sledding with us when were teenagers. Seriously, how cool is that?

And the luckiest thing of all, I married a guy as great as Dado. I feel so blessed that my future children will have such a wonderful father like I did.  

I can't get over how tiny my nephew is here. I die. Such a little baby!

I got me a great pops! Happy birthday, Dado! Can’t wait to go eat some manly steaks with you tonight!

You totally gotta buy this stuff….

And you can buy it all at Target, holler!

So I have discovered the most amazing thing ever. Seriously ladies, this thing claims to be “magic” and it really is.

The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Bath Scrubber.

http://www.mrclean.com/en_US/magic-eraser-bath-scrubber.do

Holy sparkly bathtub.

Our tub had black stains on the bottom of it from the previous owner’s bathmat. I had tried everything- bleach, oxi-clean- everything. Nothing would get these black marks up except this little magic eraser. Our bathtub was so shiny that Matt even said, “What the heck did you use to clean the tub. It’s so sparkly.”

I was all, giddy little girl, “I know!!!”

I even took the time to right a review online. That good. Buy it and report back please.

Another must have,

Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Cream.

http://www.palmers.com

It’s very thick and greasy but seriously my feet have never been softer. In the summer I am always in flip flops/scandals and I noticed the bottom of my feet looking a little GAG dry, this stuff took care of the dryness in less than a week.

Another Palmer’s treat.

 

Palmer's Skin Success Even Tone Skin Face Cream, Normal Skin.

http://www.palmers.com/ 

 

My face had been breaking out with pimples so badly and created acne scars. I know why is this happening at age 26? But this formula has helped fade out these scars and keep my chin (my problem area) pimple free.

 

I guess I’m really into Palmer’s these days, its good stuff girls.

 

If you try any of these let me know what you think!

 

Training Camp...

Saturday, Matt and I got invited to go down to see the Ravens practice at training camp at M&T Bank Stadium. It was free and a handful of our friends were going down. Girls included.

Since my two girlfriends were going, I agreed.

My guy friend said, “Wow, Mandy, I’m so proud of you going to your first sporting event.”

This made me laugh. Do I give off that “not-a-sports-girl” vibe that badly?

Honestly, the only two sports I like watching are football and hockey.

So yes, I’ve been to a sporting event in my day. Not many, but a few Ravens game and a couple hockey games when I was a little girl with my dad. And I do enjoy going and always have a fun time. And I usually understand what’s going on, so I’m not that anti-sports.

Plus I knew that it would be a fun day because of the people that were going.

Although, I did not intend to experience my very first boob sweat while there. But I did. It was that hot and sunny outside.

Matt was all, “Sweat is dripping down your neck, Mandy.” I, myself, was a little more concerned about having boob sweat, when I have no boobs and the total swamp ass that was happening while I sat.

I had to ask Matt if the back of my shorts were wet, that’s how much sweating was going on. I was sure the whole ass of my pants were soaked. Luckily, I was in the clear.

And after about 15minutes in the hot summer sun, we got smart and moved across the stadium into the shade. It felt like heaven. Even a nice breeze decided to come out and hit our faces.

My girlfriend, Ashley, is so smart. She was like, “Take pictures now before we get all sweaty and ugly.”

I like her thinking. By the end of the day, we all had ponytails and eyeliner down to our nipples. Terrible look for a photo. So good save on the pictures before we entered the stadium because these turned out so cute.

The Raven threw-up a hunk of beef before this picture.

And everyone wondered why I was nervous to get my picture with it.

Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend.

I'm ready for another!

Funniest thing I’ve ever read…

A FB friend posted this link on her page and I literally never laughed so hard in my life.
Please read it. I died.

http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

I was sitting in my cube trying my hardest to hold in my laughter as tears just rolled down my face; it's that good. This story made my Friday.

Then it started. I couldn’t stop talking about my own awkward fart stories.

So here it is. Farts with Mandy.

The first time I farted in front of Matt:

We were in my mom’s basement; we had been dating for approximately 3 months. Matt was on the home computer and I decided to get on the elliptical machine next to him to talk while he was on myspace. As I rolled my feet on the elliptical a very loud, very deep fart slipped out of my butt cheeks. OMG! What do I do? I did what any sane person would do, I immediately sat down on the elliptical and buried my head between my legs, because hiding would disguise the fart sound that had already slipped out of my butt cheeks.  When I finally had enough nerve to surface my head I just came out with, “I’m sorry.” I’ve never seen Matt so serious. He just awkwardly looked at me and said, “It’s okay.” After that, I never stopped farting infront of Matt. I unleashed the caged animal. We came to an agreement that it’s just too painful to hold a fart in. 

Yup, that’s my hand:

Yesterday after work, I met my sister and Travis (my nephew) up at Kohl’s. Since I’m the “cool Aunt” I was letting Travis climb on all the model beds and was laying on them with him. The one bed I had to push his butt up onto because it was too high for him to climb. As I take my hand on his butt to push him up he lets out the biggest man fart ever heard from a 3-year-old. It was so big and stinky that my hand LITERALLY smelled like a fart! Bible. I was all, “OMG Trav! Eww now my hand smells!! That was so big!” Travis just looked at me all serious, “What Aunt Mandy? It was just a toot.” Like I was the crazy one.

As a child, I learned farts make people laugh and gag...

Growing up my parents were very traditional and every night we would all eat dinner together as a family. (Mom, Dad, my sister (Laurie) and myself). It’s relevant to know that my sister has the worst gag reflex of anyone I know. (Which my nephew has inherited) For some unknown reason, dinner would just bring the fart out in me and every night at dinner I would get the farts. Every time I would let a fart slip my sister would gag uncontrollable and cover her drink with her hand, while yelling, “Mandy!! You’re soo gross! It’s going to get in my drink and on my food! MOM!!!” My parents would attempt to keep a straight face while yelling at me to take it to the bathroom. As I would run to the bathroom I would purposely fart the whole way there. (Seriously, I had this down to a science). As I would slowly run to the bathroom, farting the whole way, I would hear my parents crying of laughter and my sister gagging to the point of puking. I thought it didn’t get any funnier than that.

Pure fart perfection.  

Anybody else enjoy a good fart story? Is it wrong of me to be 26 and still think farts are hilarious?